Much of the 1980’s generation was raised without any real tradition or definite transition into manhood leaves one feeling as Ben Greenfield puts it, as a ‘Boy Who Shaves’.
On one hand, what we should be doing as fathers is right in front of us. Keeping the family moving, maintaining the house, teaching our kids how to become respectable members of society.
But for many fathers we have allowed our existence to be akin to Homer Simpson. The father who is just another irresponsible kid. Wives who run the household, when they are gone for a day the world seemingly falls apart.
Fathers lack the discipline, confidence and in many cases the ‘authority’ to keep the house moving. “That’s above my paygrade” is a common joke subtly putting men and fathers in their ‘place’. The expectation is that all hell will break loose when dad is in charge.
On one hand we could argue that this becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy for mothers, yet on the other hand nobody is really making fathers helpless.
It’s the father’s decision to let their kids be babysat by iPads and videogames. It’s the father fault that kids lack the confidence to stand up for themselves. It’s the fathers fault the kids whine and complain then told to sweep the floor or unload the dishwasher. And it’s the fathers fault the kids do not know how to do a great job at each task they are assigned.
When fathers are frustrated with our kids, we should be frustrated with ourselves. But that frustration must be internal. We cannot lay our shortcomings on our children.
We cannot lash out and take it out on them, we cannot blame mom for telling everyone to clean up. Because then we are just another kid. And our children see it too.
Kids do not listen but they do imitate. Let that marinate….
When we are frustrated with our children and their actions, we must remember they learned it somewhere. Do not only tell them what to do, explain why it is important, and then show them through your example every day.
Even though most thirtysomething men never had a rite of passage into manhood, it’s not too late.
Create your own rite of passage, find god, find some purpose that is bigger than you and lean into it. We all have a reason for existence, we have to. If you want to believe otherwise keep going in the direction you came and you’ll end up in the same place, just with 50 some years of regret in your rucksack. And the weight of that regret gets exponentially heavier.
Regarding being the ‘Homer Simpson’ of your family, while breaking out of this may be tedious and frustrating, it’s a choice. Set ground rules for what you will and will not accept from yourself, for the example you will model, and recognize you have an uphill battle.
Make reminders, create your own user manual of goals, objectives, tendencies, notes on how you operate the best and refer to it daily. Make or reenergize traditions for your family, do the legwork to get them going because someone must. Workout with your kids, set the example and make them your world.
Our children are watching us, not only as fathers but as leaders, as athletes, as scholars, as friends and as an example of what a man is.
Does that scare the hell out of you?
Good.
Then it means something.
It’s on you to do something about it.
It’s no one else’s job. Look inside, look outside, find the strength wherever you need to.
For years one of my biggest pet peeves while using Word to take notes has been the dreaded double space when hitting enter to go down to the next line. At times I’d look it up and spend 5-10 minutes trying to figure out how to get the check box in Paragraph ‘Don’t add space between paragraphs of same style’ to stay checked… but it never would. Ultimately I resigned to the fact that I’d have to take 10 seconds every sheet and make the adjustment… but the weight of that small task not getting changed was much heavier than the 10 seconds for every word doc..
(double spaced intentionally there) There are lots of small things that get neglected that weigh us down and kill productivity in other areas. But when we finally take the time to fix them, they free us up to find solutions to other issues and problems that area weighing us down as well… and when what was a snowflake of 10 seconds starts rolling it starts to become a snowball, getting bigger and rolling faster. Each small task pushing and growing the snowball increasing its momentum. As confidence grows, action grows, and we begin finding more tasks that you can accomplish. So we must focus on the small things that build momentum. Knock them out and watch as bigger goals start to become more attainable, and ultimately get accomplished too.
And for the record to fix the issue… You have to use a new template and save it… on the main template in word, the change just wont stay… It is a writing software after all..
Joe Rogan was telling the story of the first time he was going on stage at an open mic night. He was terrified. He was praying that he was passed over.
‘Sorry bud, couldn’t get you on stage tonight’… then it’s all over.
He can punt the decision until next time.. and never even go back to the club.
He could have been the funny guy who’m all his friends say ‘Dude you should totally be a comedian, you’d do great’.. for the rest of his life.
But there was this voice he decided to listen to.. a voice that said ‘This is what you’re supposed to do, this is where you’re supposed to be..’ then he went out.. and basically bombed. But he went back, and got better, and better, and better. He kept working at it until he was one of the best comedians in the world
Whats funny about this line – ” But he went back, and got better, and better, and better.” – is that those 11 words represent 10+ years of grinding.
3,650 or more days of deciding to stick with it. Learning from previous mistakes, deciding to go back up on stage and get your teeth kicked in, but to keep getting better.
IT’S A GRIND.
Bill Gates, from the Netfilx Special ‘Inside Bill’s Brain‘, spent years and years working day and night, obsessing over building Microsoft.
If you have not seen this I highly suggest checking it out.
The power of a single decision is immense. But not the first one. Decisions have a compounding effect both ways.
When you make a good decision, it becomes easier to make other good decisions. Ever notice how when things are going good, they typically continue to go good until something interrupts the pattern?
Good breakfast, good lunch, good dinner.. you can run hard with good decisions until the voice in your head says…
‘Who are you kidding, you cant keep this up…’ This usually happens when you’re fatigued and are out of good options..
Then you make one bad decision. Instead of working on the task you know you should be working on, you jump to Facebook… then another bad decision. Let’s check the news.. now that great day of eating, or being productive has been derailed…. It happens with everything and almost everyone.
But not those who are super successful in their craft. They obsess over the details. Obsess. Obsess. Obsess.
What if that’s not natural? How do you cultivate it? How do you place guard rails around yourself to build good habits?
First off Acknowledge the power of a decision. Train yourself to make more good decisions than bad and create an environment that fosters obsession. Don’t just set goals. Write them down and look at them as much as you need to.. in every aspect of your life.
Start working towards them. And then prepare to fail.
It’s so incredibly simple, and cliche’, but it’s not what you do when things are going great. It’s what you do when things are going bad that will determine where you end up.
Ed Norton’s move ‘Motherless Brooklyn’ was 20+ years in the making. 20 Years! He had the idea for this movie and the timing was just never right, the stars seemingly took forever to align.. but it finally came together.
This year I’ve heard tons of stories of 50 & 60 somethings that finally pulled that project or business together they have been dreaming of. Rich Roll worked his butt off for 7 years basically 7 days a week building his brand, Dean Karnazes talks of how he’s constantly selling himself and his ideas…
If you’re going to do something well, it’s going to be a grind.
Figure out exactly what you want to do and then create ways to make yourself love it… More on that next time.
Some say getting started is the hardest part of
anything. I disagree.
Finishing is the hardest part. Finishing is the acceptance that this, whatever
it may be, is going to be put out into the world and be judged. And it will not be judged lightly. But what if that’s just your perception?
What if the thing you created was just an experiment you had
low expectations for, and all of the criticism was merely feedback? Part of a feedback loop, that quite frankly
in the past, was primarily positive.
What if the only person holding you back from putting great
material and ideas out into the world was you?
This year, Kobe Bryant was on the Lewis Howes Podcast (Link), it was again another highly perspective shifting episode. Kobe created a podcast/story series called ‘The Punies’ designed for kids, with some of the best stories to teach kids various lessons. It’s amazing. My kids, wife and I love the episodes, and whatever he did, it makes kids stop in their tracks and listen.
One of the episodes is called ‘Be Aware’ and it’s all about
awareness. Listen to it yourself even if
you don’t have kids and I guarantee you will be entertained.
Over the last couple months I’ve been working my way through the book ‘Changeology’ by John C. Norcross. Working my way through it, fighting against the habit of cranking through books to get to the next one on the list. That needs to change, hence Changeology.
Side note, this was figured out while starting the book…
once I became aware of it.
Awareness also happens to be one of the parts of the ‘Psych
Phase’ of the Changeology 5 step process.
The most efficient way for humans to do anything it to do it unconsciously, or subconsciously, as it uses less calories and energy. Brain power takes a lot of calories or fuel, which back when we lived on the savanna, before mass farming, were very precious. So we’re wired to do normal tasks for a certain period of time, then they become essentially hard wired, so that we do them subconsciously, using less energy.
Like when you see a notification pop up on your phone, your Pavlovian
response is to immediately look. Then,
depending on what you’ve trained yourself to do, you either pick up your phone
and address said notification, or ignore it and get back to it later. Or maybe you never get back to it.
Whatever your response is though, you created it.
You trained yourself to have that response. There were not iPhones when you were born. America
Online and 28.8 MB dial up was not even created when most of you reading this
were born.
Being conscious of your actions is a hard reality to
face. Try it. For the rest of the day, or the week, try to
be aware of your unconscious actions.
Many of us had New Years Resolutions. What were yours? Were they the same as the last 5 years?
What are you hard wired to do that is moving you further
from those objectives?
Try this- take 2 or 3 things you’re working to change, and
do not try to change them.
Instead, study yourself, your thoughts and your actions
around those three goals. Try to determine
your unconscious actions. Do you randomly
grab something to eat, now that you think about it, without even thinking about
it? When you have to do something that
causes you stress, do you shut down, or do you gravitate towards an action or another
task?
It’s been quite some time since I’ve posted anything on
here, but it’s not because I haven’t been writing or putting together ideas..
It’s because something has been holding me back from putting them out
there. And it’s not just me.
So that goal or thing you’re trying to do… It’s not just
you.
Take stock, be aware, make a plan and start a different path
towards making changes.
It may take you a few months, or a year, or even 10 years. But if you’ve noticed lately, 10 years really flies by. So never write that goal off.
It’s been quite some time since I’ve posted something on here, and frankly this is a brief post to keep the ball rolling.
The last 120 days have at the same time flown by, yet taken forever, and have been the most personally productive in many areas, ever. This all goes back to the ‘Seriously this is the last cookie’ post.
(Summary is that I tracked the below, and journaled basically every morning/night for 90 days, and ultimately more consistently in the morning)
Eating (Overall eating for the day)
Planning (Set plan in AM or Night before)
Execution (How well the plan was executed)
Fitness/Working out
Relationships (Wife, Kids, Family/Friends)
Overall Feeling
Journal at Night
Journal in AM
The only thing focused on for Jan/Feb/March was tracking those metrics, and some amazing things happened. As you can see, it was not highly technical….
The most important was with my relationship to sugar. It sounds funny that this permeated through every other aspect of my life, but tracking the ups and downs of bad eating vs the other metrics it was the common denominator of all of them. When my eating went off the rails, so did everything else.
It all came back to credibility with myself.
For years there was an internal fight of ‘you really should’ vs ‘BUT YOU WONT’… and the ups and downs in all different areas were drastic. I could be insanely disciplined for a couple days, weeks, months (2 max).. then fall completely off. But, for me, this was the trick.
The data was there. It was undeniable seeing that when things are going good, it’s because I was being disciplined.
What did this ultimately lead to?
I haven’t had sugar in 37 days.
And it started on Easter, a day I historically went ‘All in’ on Robbins Eggs at my Aunt Maggies house.. but this year, I was prepared, and it was time to make the change… More on that next time too.
And I’m still tracking the metrics that I decided on, and added a few.
Simply put the 90 days of tracking has become a habit…. But things aren’t perfect by any means.
Tracking and journaling has become a habit, but it’s also become apparent that discipline is needed to break a habit. It’s easier to create bad habits than it is to create good habits. So everyday it an opportunity, to create or maintain habits. It’s also a fight to not create bad habits.
It’s a fight vs the voice that says, be comfortable. Take it easy. You worked out hard yesterday, you can take a day off.. or you can let up and go easier. You can have the cookie.. this is the last one…
So now I’m onto the day of watching my 4 sons this AM, while my amazing wife works, then coaching a track meet for 7+ hours today.
Was not letting this site get away from me.
If there’s any area of your life you’re looking to improve, just track it. Don’t worry about making big changes, just try this technique and make yourself mindful of whats happening, at least for 2 minutes a day.
Don’t be hard on yourself for bad days, or think everything is great on good days, just look at the numbers after every 2 weeks and see what stands out.
My dream is to inspire droves of parents to start working out while their kids are at practice. This notion that you need to watch your kids practice the entire time after the age of 5 is nonsense.
“Did you see that goal I scored!?” No buddy I was in the middle of a set of burpees. Tell me about it in great detail, how did it start, why did you pass there, what did that feel like scoring a goal? What did you learn from that?
Years ago there was a study mentioned on the Ben Greenfield Fitness podcast that totally changed how I looked at raising fit kids. The University of Essex study showed a high correlation between children’s fitness, and their perceived fitness of their parents. Here’s the original article – http://www.quickanddirtytips.com/health-fitness/exercise/how-to-get-your-kids-fit
What does that mean?
‘If my parents are fit and workout, then I should be fit too.’!
The best thing you can be is a shining example to your kids of how to eat health and stay in shape. They should be involved in your workouts, and you should be involved in theirs. Kids don’t listen, but they do imitate.
Make sure your kids know that you workout.
One of the issues that came up in the study was that the kids didn’t realize their parents workout. Do your kids know you’re going to the gym? Do they see you going out for and coming back from a run? Have you challenged your kids recently to do 20 burpees, or see how can hold a squat or a wall sit the longest lately? Make it blatantly apparent to your kids that you still play and workout. Discuss with them what you did, and most importantly how, even when there were parts you didn’t like, you kept going!
Better yet, play with your kids, no really play. Stop the madness that when we grow up we’re too old to play. This is why most parents think working out is miserable, because it went from ‘play’ to going to the gym and going on an elliptical for 45 minutes… UGH!
When is the last time you jumped? Or moved like a kid would move?
Really think about that…. When is the last time you jumped in the air for a ball, to grab a tree limb, catch a frisbee? What about shot a basketball or kicked a soccer ball like you were 12? Do you think you’re too old for that? Doesn’t that sound ridiculous? Instead of getting a boring workout, or just running a race, grab the kids and go play something. What sport did you play growing up? Soccer? With or without the kids, grab a ball, and some cones and do some ball work, kick a ball up and down the field until you’ve gotten a great workout. Basketball? Shoot layups and make sure you grab any rebounds and finish with a basket. Baseball/Softball? Find a wall and throw yourself grounders.
Better yet, have your kids teach you what they are learning. What kind of soccer or basketball drills are they working on? Let them teach you the moves, it will be a great bonding experience, and will help them relearn what they are doing!
The question that is most likely popping into your head right now is what if someone sees me? How embarrassing! Seriously? Seriously? Who cares, if someone makes a comment ask them if we’re in 5th grade again and get back to playing.
Practice while your kids practice.
The excuse of the generation is that there’s no time. But I regularly see parents wasting an hour or more while their kids are at practice!
The other day, while my two oldest boys had soccer practice for 1:30, in an indoor fitness facility, I was able to get an insane workout about 50 feet from my kids, while keeping tabs on them the whole time. Even saw them score the goal they asked about afterwards!
Yes, you’ll get some looks as the other parents glance up from their phones, but deep I’m guessing deep down those parents are jealous.
For the better part of 45 minutes I worked out, no plan going into it at all, just doing whatever seemed fun with what was there. Pushups, squats, burpees, jumping jacks, sprints you can do these virtually anywhere.
Act the age you want to feel
In the soccer complex there is a steep indoor carpeted ramp that goes up about 20 feet, it’s steep enough to sprint up and down several times and be completely gassed. If you were to find cinder blocks laying around and carry them up and down you’d be exhausted as well…
Naturally the small kids who were there while their siblings were practicing came over and started running up and down the ramp, playing and having fun. Eventually some parents came over and started going up and down with the smaller kids to get them to do it. But it was that reserved, ‘I’m a parent, this is silly, just here to help you go up and down, type run’
At what point did most adults stop moving like kids? It’s odd to see a 35 or 50 year old moving with the freedom that a child can. Is it because they can’t? No, it’s most likely because they don’t, it’s foreign to them. Is that you??
STOP! Let yourself have fun! Seriously, even if you’re out of shape, running up a steep indoor hill, or on the field next to your kids’ practice is fun! Have a younger sibling with you, get them involved! Don’t let your 4-year-old beat you, they shouldn’t be able to. Run up and down until they want to stop, then do a few more while they are winded standing at the top! Throw one or two of them over your shoulders and run up a hill, or 50 yards and let them run down/back!
Or better yet, keep going until you want to stop.. tell them you ‘really want to stop, but you’re going to keep going anyway.’
What message do you think that is sending to your kids?
Maybe that’s why kids don’t want to grow up- because we’re making growing up look boring! Live so that kids say I can’t wait until I’m older so I can do fun stuff like you dad/mom!
Many of us endure great discomfort on a daily basis in work and life, we push through to get the job done. Show your kids how to do this through fitness, show them that you do this on a daily basis. It’s hard to explain the rigors of daily life to a child, but fitness is one thing that everyone can relate to.
Show them that they are stronger then they think they are, and can go further than they think they can.
Maybe, just maybe, you’ll remember that that is true for you too.
Do any of you actively workout while your kids are practicing? Have you tried any of the above and noticed a difference?
Workout ideas- (I’m not a trainer/doctor, this is just the advice I’d give my mom if she asked..)
First thing in the AM-
Do something with your kids- even if it’s 5 or 10 minutes of jumping jacks, pushups or squats. It’s great to start the day with some movement, and is an opportunity to talk about goals and objectives for the day.
At Practice-
Run a certain distance at the field say 10-minute run and try to run it faster next time.
Run a lap, do 5 burpees/squats/pushups ect. And repeat until exhausted.
Pushups, sit-ups, squats, or even bring a kettle bell or small weights. Put 20 minutes on the clock and keep moving the whole time. It does not need to be as sophisticated as we make it out to be!
Are the goals we’re chasing really ours? Are they societies, are they the salesmen’s in front of us, are they the customers who’s need is urgent? Are they our parents’, families’, religions, our neighborhood or our political parties? Are we directing what we are ultimately aiming to accomplish, to be, to do with this life??
We’re being bombarded with information this day in age like never before. Depression, drug addiction and suicide are rampant, people feel more alone than ever. Everyone and anyone selling, influencing, or pushing their agenda is trying to influence us to achieve their goals.
And we’ve gotten lost.
While at work and an urgent phone call or email comes in, is this our problem, or the person on the other end of the communication? While at the gym working out, are we getting fit because others expect us to be fit, want us to be fit, or have been we been told that things will be better when we’re fit? At the mall, buying that new article of clothing or pair of shoes, are we doing it because we really want to, or because someone else has sold us on their agenda, our obligation to fit in, to fill that void we didn’t realize was there, until it was pointed out? Did we really need that last luxury item? Expensive meal? Bigger car?
Are we truly chasing what you want? Do we even know what we want anymore? If we do know what we’re after, do our actions match your ambitions?
I’ve come to the conclusion, or maybe just remembered how this all started, that years ago I got lost.
I wanted to be happy, confident and feel good about myself. There was an internal struggle that I was not being all that I knew I could be. I felt unhappy, came to the conclusion that I was unhappy because I was out of shape, and thought “What do I need to be to get me there (in shape)?” Fit, runners are fit, I’ll become a runner.
Wait, what started this? I wanted to be happy, confident and feel good about myself, what did I really need to do to be that? Not who did I need to become.
After running numerous 5’K’s, half Marathons and full marathons, still the feeling of emptiness remained. Eventually when being a runner was not making me happy, confident or feel good about myself, I looked to my friends who I perceived as being what I wanted to be. They were Triathletes, whoa! Surely doing something that took more time and effort would answer those questions to what it was I’m searching for… I was already getting lost from my original goal.
Was this because the running and triathlete friends around me were, what I perceived to be, happy, fit and confident? Was this because the idea of being perceived as a triathlete was cool? Who was I doing this for again?
Flash forward a year or so and I’m training and racing for 10+ hours a week. The underlying question all along being, ‘wait why am I doing this again?’.
But somehow, the original objective that led me down this path was forgotten, lost in the rush of being, not focusing on feeling. It took over 2,000 miles of racing, yes racing, not even including training time, getting married, having 4 kids listening to 100’s of hours of interviews and several well-timed books to remember what started all of this. All I wanted was to feel confident, fit and happy.
What do we really want? What do you really want? Why are you doing what you’re doing?
When we really know, or have a committed path of what we want, we gain confidence. We gain a poise that was not there when we were just going with the flow of life.
I used to hate salesmen. I’d always feel unsure, bad, slightly afraid, and ultimately, they would make decisions for me. I’d feel bad negotiating hard, fighting for what I stood for, because I stood for nothing. Because I didn’t have a compass of where I was going to guide me in making the decisions myself.
Now? I’m a salesman’s worst nightmare. This deal’s only around today? No problem there’s another day and another deal. Have to buy it now? No, I really don’t need that, no matter how hard you sell.
It’s not just sales either. It’s everything. Someone telling us we’re fit enough, fast enough, or just enough in general, when we know deep down it’s not enough for us? Push through.
DO YOU.
Be what you want. Do the internal work to figure it out, then set the course, and course correct as necessary. And don’t let anyone stand in your way.
One of the biggest problems with goal setting is ultimately a lack of integrity and trust with yourself.
I’ve lost count of how many times I’ve said to myself, “after these two rows of Samoas I’m done.” Only to finish the box and have an internal argument on who’s fault it was. (If you don’t know what a Somoa, is google them immediately)
If you can’t say to yourself, “do this now”, or “stop doing that now”, and actually listen and act accordingly you’ll never be able to make major changes in anything. But it’s insanely hard.
One of the best conversations I’ve ever heard was between Lewis Howes and John Assaraf… It’ over an hour long, but go to 11:00 in and listen for 5 minutes…Click Here You’ll get much more out of it than this article, I swear.
John Assaraf talks about the power of habit, training yourself to do little things daily, and building on it. Studies show that it takes 60 days to build a habit, so go 90 just to be safe. The interesting part is that he notes it’s the habit and repetition you’re trying to build, not the intensity of the habit.
Think back to how most new year’s resolutions and changes go.
January 1-7 – we’re ALL IN. Sure it’s different going to the gym everyday, or forgoing that extra 7 cookies, but hey, it’s time for some serious change!
January 8-24th – Ok, so we slipped a day or two each week, but all in all things are going much better than last year, if we can just hang on until the end of the month…
February or March – And…there’s always 2019….
Now what if you looked at the year in 4 Phases (4 sets of 90 days) and make your goals easily attainable and progressive?
Piggybacking off of my prior post my goal for the next 90 days is purely to track on a 1-10 scale or Y/N for each of the below.
Eating (Overall eating for the day)
Planning (Set plan in AM or Night before)
Execution (How well the plan was executed)
Fitness/Working out
Relationships (Wife, Kids, Family/Friends)
Overall Feeling
Journal at Night
Journal in AM
You can probably see that the act of tracking these should make my behavior adjust, and so far it has…yes, it’s Jan 2nd as I write this. But this is really easy. It’s 10 minutes before bed, and 5-10 minutes in the AM, and I love to write.
Now I do have longer term goals in my 4 other aspects (and I suggest you have big picture goals to), and they’ll be reviewed and monitored, but if by April it becomes automatic to track these things, then I’ll keep tracking and pivot to focus on the other big picture goals. Side note on that, you have to keep those big picture goals in sight at least every week or two, which helps keep things in perspective.
What is the easiest thing you can do every day for 90 days before moving on?
It was rather ironic that this was the topic I wanted to tackle and a friend sent me this Instagram post by Chris Powell… Here The suggestions and philosophy he has is fantastic.
Chris Powell talks about their ‘Foundation 5’ where they master each of these one at a time, before moving onto the next. These are extremely easy changes that will have a compounding effect once they all are mastered.
1 – Drink an extra quart of water daily
2- Eat breakfast (or as soon as your feeding window opens)
3-Eat a source of protein at every meal
4-Reduce sugar to less than 50g
5-Deliberately move for 5 minutes every day
These are all great suggestions, especially the move for 5 minutes every day.
Ultimately the intent here is to give yourself a command, and do it for 90 days to build trust and credibility with yourself.
So how can you make your goals easier? How can you make them a layup for 90 days?
How do they start out a backup quarterback coming off the bench? Short easy passes.
Give yourself some small wins to build on, then start throwing downfield. On second thought, 4-yard pass after 4-yard pass will eventually get you into the end zone.
Writing publicly has been something I’ve been wanting to do for years now, and it’s finally the time to get started. As Gary Vaynerchuk, @garyvee on Instagram, so eloquently stated in an Instagram post “Just put some shit out……there is so much good that never sees the day of light” See it here..
This website will morph into what it’s meant to be over time, for now it’s a forum for thoughts, ideas and experiments I’ve been wanting to get out of me. My hope is that it will inspire others to do the same, just as many others have done for me, see my Virtual Best Friends page and explanation.
2017 all in all was a solid year. Started working with a new company and made amazing strides with personal relationships and my awesome wife, frankly because we had the most difficult and intense conversations ever. Developed some great friendships, hiked the Grand Canyon R2R2R, and most importantly really started to figure out who I was, and what is important in life.
Two friends, who were my age or younger, passed away this year. This is an entirely different article, but it had a profound impact on my view of things, and my intention is to keep this feeling as long as possible. Far to often, we grieve the passing of a loved one or friend, act really alive for a day or if we’re lucky a week, then we go back to normal. More on that later…
This figuring out who I was part had a lot to do with my recognizing that I was putting entirely too much stock on what others thought, or what I thought others would think, and frankly now I just don’t care. Let’s just get it out there and see what happens. It’s better to try and fail than to not try at all, and that’s what 2018 is going to be about.
In Principals by Ray Dalio, he made two points that also really hit home for my last few years, that will guide me in setting goals for 2018.
Brutal self-reflection
Are you willing to endure the amount of discomfort you must in order to achieve your goals.
While dwelling on #2, what seemed like a mild state of depression set in as my mind found every way I had slowed up in training, racing, work, projects when things got tough…you name it, I came to the realization that finishing strong is not my strong suit. But there have been times where I’ve put out spectacular projects, assignments, and races. While dwelling on what the common thread to these were I came to the conclusion that, when I’m trained well and highly competent in a task, if the something is for a team, my family or a cause I really care about I’ll run through walls. If not, my will power is just not enough.
So, with that in mind I’ll set up my 2018 goals to make sure I’m highly trained in what I’m doing, and that they are group oriented or framed in a way that they are for a higher calling than just myself. There’s no sense fighting it, it’s the art of acquiescence.
Over the next few days the goals will be laid out, no they don’t have to start on Jan 1. My goals will revolve around:
Family/Relationships
Health/Fitness
Career/Business
Spiritual/Giving
Those are going to be the big picture goals which I’ll review daily, but the second part is tracking the daily habits that lead me to success. Tracking details has been my downfall for years, well details in general I’m bad with. For 90 days, we’ll get into the 90 days reasoning in another post as well, I’ll be tracking on a 1-10 scale or Y/N for each of the below.
Eating (Overall eating for the day)
Planning (Set plan in AM or Night before)
Execution (How well the plan was executed)
Fitness/Working out
Relationships (Wife, Kids, Family/Friends)
Overall Feeling
Journal at Night
Journal in AM
I’ve found that when I have good days on each of these aspects, things tend to go well.
What are your goals, and how can you track them? Comment with any questions or suggestions!
Now what’s the one thing you’ve been holding off on doing, or what’s really been holding you back from achieving that nagging goal of yours… Think about it overnight, journal on it in the AM, and see if you can’t come up with a different solution to the same problem.
