November 2022 – RyanFulmer

How to start (Absurdly) Small

The mark of a true master is dedication to the fundamentals.

Many get stuck when creating habits that work the best for them because most think that they are different.

Variety may be the spice of life, but when it comes to maximizing your time and energy, it’s repetition of time tested principals and actions that make the difference. Fortunately others have time tested them for us, and if you’re over 30, you’ve knowingly or unknowingly been time testing your own habits….even if it was only a few times.

Here’s a good exercise to flush out these ideas.

Answer the below questions based on what has worked for you in the past. My answers listed as an example.

What do you do in the morning that sets you up for the best day possible?

Wake up when your alarm goes off
Immediately do at least 1 to 10 pushups
Review personal goals – Life goals
Set Realistic goals for the day
Meditate/Visualize these goals for at least 1 minute
Do some type of workout to sweat –
- Preferably without headphones & outside

What eating habits have worked best in the past?

Being prepared with healthy options
Eating fat/protein as first meal
Not scrolling/on a screen or doing something while eating
Eating at a specific place away from desk
Taking vitamins & amino acids regularly
If eating dessert, try to have fruit afterwards

3.What end of day habits have worked best in the past?

Review your daily actions
- Business prior to shutting down
- Life well before going to sleep
  - - If you leave these until too late higher chance they get neglected,
Jot down notes / plan for tomorrow
No screens before bed
Easy workout/stretch 2 hours prior to bed

Now for the exciting and boring part. Build out these habits and try them for 90 days.

Why for 90 days? Because it takes time to build habits. Some will say 21 days to make a change, some will say 60 days, 90 days is a solid amount of time. No matter what you take it 1 day at a time.

There will come a time when you think that you’ve got these habits down and if you skip a day it’s no problem.

This is the slippery slope. Ingrain the discipline and all other areas of your life will improve.

Variety may be the spice of life, but Discipline is the Main Course.

On Credibility

Having credibility with yourself is the cornerstone of discipline and happiness.

Is credibility with anyone else more important?

If you have all the credibility in the world with your coworkers, family and friends, but constantly short change yourself and your own wants and needs who wins?

Compare taking care of yourself, not just physically but mentally, to care for your car.

If you forego regular maintenance, nothing will happen, until something terrible happens.

You wont see anything wrong with your car until your engine seizes from not getting your oil changed, or you slide off of a road in a rain storm because your tires are bald.

Telling yourself you’re going to do things, and not doing them is similar in that in the short term nothing major goes wrong.

Until something terribly goes wrong. One day you wake up and realize that the things you tell yourself to do, mean nothing.

Instructions that have gone unheeded for so long that they are now officially meaningless.

And you don’t even believe your own bullshit.

Regaining credibility can start absurdly small. One Pushup. One Phone Call.

To clean up your office, file one paper.

Many get stuck on projects because they are too big. Make them embarrassingly small. And let the build.

Set yourself up for success. Do the little things that make a big difference in how you see yourself.

And do them for you.

In the end everyone wins.

And if there is someone that is harmed by that… Let them go.

Be Thankful for the (Deliberate) Hard Times

Has anything meaningful been accomplished that did not involve struggle?

Do we clamour to see a movie or read a story where the hero sails smoothly to success?

Can you name one event or achievement of yours that did not involve a low point?

Even an event that ‘Goes off without a hitch’ likely had a good deal of planning and execution to prepare for and prevent any of said hitches?

So why do we try to protect ourselves and others, especially our kids, from struggle?

Why do we tell our kids that the ref’s sucked and “If he made the right call you would have won the game?”

Why do we protect ourselves and others from tough conversations with lots of grey area?

Why do we try to avoid the thing that makes everything, the human experience, so special?

It’s marathon running season where hundreds of thousands make time and rearrange their schedule and life to train and run for an event that has the potential to be life changing.

But there are also individuals using that goal as an escape, or excuse, for the real goals they should be pursuing.

The dreams that keep them up at night, or that are drowned by cheap, meaningless conversation, endless scrolling, binge watching Netflix and drugs of choice…

The activities you should be doing that haunt, building resentment, fostering mindless eating incessant checking of your fantasy football team or the news feed.

Searching for that article or event which may or may not exist.

The only way to peace is to follow the path, wherever it may go. Run towards the struggle, run into the fire, run into Hell and keep going.

Winston Churchill was coined with the quote, “When you’re going through hell, keep going.”

But first you must choose your Hell.

And when you are going through Hell. Be Thankful.

Why We Fail Checklists (and Goals)

What’s so scary about creating a checklist?

It’s easier to create a checklist for others to do than yourself, why?

The same reason most people do not write down short term, long term or any type of goals for that matter.

If you have no goals or objectives, you do not know when you have failed.

General Patton was famously quoted as saying:

“A good plan violently executed now is better than a perfect plan executed next week.”

Perfection kills plans.

Fear of failure kills plans.

Fear of loss kills plans.

These things not only kill plans, they stomp out any momentum. Driving you back in to the same vicious cycle.

Fear of loss is the worst of all. Humans will sacrifice so much opportunity and time to avoid loss of meaningless things.

When you’re afraid to lose opportunities because you’re doing something else, to the point that you do a bad job at the task you ultimately choose, everyone loses.

You’re working out, but you could be watching TV now. So you watch TV while working out. But you’re working out somewhat hard to the point that you cant fully get the benefit of the TV show, and you’re trying to not work out too hard so that you can watch TV. But you’re only doing a half assed job at working out, and watching TV.

When you go to a buffet and you sacrifice your health and ensure that you feel like trash the whole rest of the day because you want to get your money’s worth. Or you go to an open bar and sacrifice your next day with a massive hangover because you ‘want to get your moneys worth’

How many areas do you split time or sacrifice your health like this? And weren’t we talking about how we fail checklists?

Checklists and Goals fail because they are not specific enough, never stated, or if the checklist/goals are stated they stop from being followed.

There’s a reason they are not followed. It could be that you think they are no longer needed because the process has been internalized. Or you cannot take the abject failure staring you in the face day after day.

Either way, sometimes it’s not you, it’s the checklist. It’s the goal. Both need to be simple and able to be followed or advanced upon.

Start absurdly simple and build from there. Your workout plan can be as simple as do 1 pushup when you get up.

Your book writing plan can be write 1 crappy page a day.

Your parenting plan can be clearly communicate expectations to the kids and give them the best tools I can at this moment.

It’s better than nothing, and it’s a start. Like a massive snowball going downhill it starts very small and then builds momentum.

That momentum has to start somewhere. And it can’t be too small.

Get the ball rolling.

Be Clear(er) With Your Expectations

Over the last few weeks I’ve found myself saying the same things over and over to the kids in the morning.

And they are not getting it.

It’s a vicious cycle that does no good for anyone, you set expectations that may or may not be clearly communicated… which are not being followed to your rather ambiguous expectations.

Who’s to blame? You could blame the kids for not listening.. and you probably have (I’m guilty here too).

But the parents are in charge. Yes that’s right. The parents.

It was apparent that they were not failing me, I was failing them.

So I did they thing I’ve been saying needed to be done for 2+ years.

Created a Checklist.

A clearly communicated checklist, with days, check boxes and a crayon.

It took about 15 minutes to think through, draft and put together in Excel. (There are more templates there than you’d ever thought) Printed 4 copies and put them on the floor on the way out of the kid’s rooms, making them impossible to miss, each with a different color crayon.

By the time I got done with my workout and meandered upstairs, 2 of them were excitedly checking off boxes and doing push-ups.. they were dressed and their rooms had been straightened up.

It was like magic… and checklists are magic.

Unclear expectations are the root of so many frustrations. Not just with others but even with ourselves.

The mind needs clear targets & goals to focus on.

Why are checklists not more widely used on an individual basis?

Because they show failure. It’s easier to have ambiguous goals floating around than have concrete evidence that you failed to achieve what you set out to accomplish.

Why are they not more widely applied to communication with others (including your kids)?

Laziness.

The time & aggravation savings are worth it.

Do the thing you know you should be doing.

P.S. Why did my amazing wife never come up with one? She, unlike me with the kids, has it all together…. Although she does appreciate the checklist now!

Be The End Result You Want Your Kids To Be… Or At Least As Close As Possible

Having an 11 year old point out that the things you say vs do don’t always match up can be very humbling and easy to dismiss.

“I’m trying to help you not do the things I do”

Why not show vs tell?

Are we doing our best to be a living example of what we’d like our children to become?

One of the best and worst facts about parenting is….

Kids don’t listen, but they do imitate.

Now when relating this to kids sports how do we lead by example?

“Are you saying I should train to be a 9 year old baseball/soccer/football/ basketball phenom??”

No, to teach as best as possible we should emulate the characteristics of a 30 year old sports phenom.

Lets start with 10 Things that do not require talent (see footnote for reference)

Being on Time – What are you teaching your child about being on time for practice and games? Being one of the first to show up reinforces commitment, and planning your schedule effectively. Making it not acceptable to be ‘Just in time’ or even late consistently is a valuable lesson in and of itself.
Work Ethic – When your kid sees you completing a task, what are they learning?
Effort – Do your kids see you give your best effort in the little and big things you do? Are you emulating the effort you’re asking for?
Body Language – Does your body language give off confidence? Have you ever seen a successful person not look confident the majority of the time you see them?
Energy – You can always control your energy levels. Are you high or low energy? Do you choose to push through or rest? What do you emulate when you’re feeling tired?
Attitude – Your attitude helps color your life. Any situation can be framed in a positive or negative light on how you interpret
Passion– Do you exude passion for something? Do you have a hobby or pastime that you stick with through the good and bad?
Being Coachable – Do you have a coach, or a boss? Do you let your kids see his you adapt and change to life and other constantly evolving situations? If you constantly talk bad about your boss or superiors in business or work, what lessons are kids taking away from that?
Doing Extra – Do you go the extra mile or do the bare minimum?
Being Prepared – Are you preparing to maximize your time to have the best experience? Are you overextending yourself to the point that you’re under prepared? There are a couple lessons within ‘Being Prepared’. 1. Don’t take on more than you can successfully prepare for 2. Solid preparation takes time and usually starts as soon as the practice, game, event ends.

Let’s be real here, fully executing on all of these is impossible because, like mastery of anything, it’s a process more than a destination. What would our kids learn from watching us try, fail and learn from consistently working towards these 10 things that do not require talent?

Kids don’t listen but they do imitate… What are we giving them to imitate?

https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/10-things-require-zero-talent-can-still-lead-success-hyacinth/

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