Author: Ryan

1. Blasphemy – Kids are absolutely not a business; this is horrible way to think about children.
2. Something you’re already doing – Have you ever thought, or said “This is not what we’re paying for” when your child is playing goalie in some sport, and you, even if momentarily, look at your return on equity, for the sport or training you’re paying for?  
3. Gritty and Resilient – If there’s only one trait that gets through, it’s the will and drive to keep on going.  Life is hard, there will be setbacks.  No matter what you’re doing in life, you’ve got to keep moving forward.
4. Goal Setters- Set big, hairy, audacious goals.  Set goals so big that others think you’re nuts, and chase them as hard as possible.  Even if you live a life chasing massive goals and never fully reach them, you will have outdone all of your peers.  Refer back to goal 1 when you fail.
5. Someone who Inspires- If you’re going to chase big goals, and be gritty and resilient, you might as well have a great attitude and inspire others to be more than they think they can be in the process.  The world is full of people trying to hold others back while they get ahead.  Be someone who makes the pie bigger.  Life is not a zero-sum game.

1. What do you do in the morning that sets you up for the best day possible?

• Wake up when your alarm goes off
• Immediately do at least 1 to 10 pushups
• Review personal goals – Life goals
• Set Realistic goals for the day
• Meditate/Visualize these goals for at least 1 minute
• Do some type of workout to sweat –
  • Preferably without headphones & outside

2. What eating habits have worked best in the past?

• Being prepared with healthy options
• Eating fat/protein as first meal
• Not scrolling/on a screen or doing something while eating
• Eating at a specific place away from desk
• Taking vitamins & amino acids regularly
• If eating dessert, try to have fruit afterwards

• Review your daily actions
  • Business prior to shutting down
  • Life well before going to sleep
    • • If you leave these until too late higher chance they get neglected,
• Jot down notes / plan for tomorrow
• No screens before bed
• Easy workout/stretch 2 hours prior to bed

Has anything meaningful been accomplished that did not involve struggle?

Do we clamour to see a movie or read a story where the hero sails smoothly to success?

Can you name one event or achievement of yours that did not involve a low point?

Even an event that ‘Goes off without a hitch’ likely had a good deal of planning and execution to prepare for and prevent any of said hitches?

So why do we try to protect ourselves and others, especially our kids, from struggle?

Why do we tell our kids that the ref’s sucked and “If he made the right call you would have won the game?”

Why do we protect ourselves and others from tough conversations with lots of grey area?

Why do we try to avoid the thing that makes everything, the human experience, so special?

It’s marathon running season where hundreds of thousands make time and rearrange their schedule and life to train and run for an event that has the potential to be life changing.

But there are also individuals using that goal as an escape, or excuse, for the real goals they should be pursuing.

The dreams that keep them up at night, or that are drowned by cheap, meaningless conversation,  endless scrolling, binge watching Netflix and drugs of choice…

The activities you should be doing that haunt, building resentment, fostering mindless eating incessant checking of your fantasy football team or  the news feed.

Searching for that article or event which may or may not exist. 

The only way to peace is to follow the path, wherever it may go.  Run towards the struggle, run into the fire, run into Hell and keep going.

Winston Churchill was coined with the quote, “When you’re going through hell, keep going.”

But first you must choose your Hell.

And when you are going through Hell. Be Thankful.

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1. Being on Time – What are you teaching your child about being on time for practice and games? Being one of the first to show up reinforces commitment, and planning your schedule effectively. Making it not acceptable to be ‘Just in time’ or even late consistently is a valuable lesson in and of itself.
2. Work Ethic – When your kid sees you completing a task, what are they learning?
3. Effort – Do your kids see you give your best effort in the little and big things you do? Are you emulating the effort you’re asking for?
4. Body Language – Does your body language give off confidence? Have you ever seen a successful person not look confident the majority of the time you see them?
5. Energy – You can always control your energy levels. Are you high or low energy? Do you choose to push through or rest? What do you emulate when you’re feeling tired?
6. Attitude – Your attitude helps color your life. Any situation can be framed in a positive or negative light on how you interpret
7. Passion– Do you exude passion for something? Do you have a hobby or pastime that you stick with through the good and bad?
8. Being Coachable – Do you have a coach, or a boss? Do you let your kids see his you adapt and change to life and other constantly evolving situations? If you constantly talk bad about your boss or superiors in business or work, what lessons are kids taking away from that?
9. Doing Extra – Do you go the extra mile or do the bare minimum?
10. Being Prepared – Are you preparing to maximize your time to have the best experience? Are you overextending yourself to the point that you’re under prepared? There are a couple lessons within ‘Being Prepared’. 1. Don’t take on more than you can successfully prepare for 2. Solid preparation takes time and usually starts as soon as the practice, game, event ends.

There was something different about New Years this year.

Early on, it felt as if it was going to be something different.  The anxiousness, the fear of failure, the angst that every little detail and goal was yet to be laid out for the year, and the waiting for the slightest misstep that was going to throw it of course.  Was not there.

Maybe it’s growing older.  Although most would say 38 is not that old, and I’d agree.  Maybe it’s the constant searching for ‘The One Thing’ that will pull it all together.  Maybe it was Cousin Jake from Jocko’s Way of the Warrior Kid.  Maybe it was working with a good friend who has been looking for a job, and in the interim created a business for himself, but frankly would knock anything he did out of the park… but nobody wanted to take a chance because ‘it’s risky time’… (What is being risked?) 

Maybe it’s acknowledging the fact that fear of going bigtime is real.  Maybe it’s vowing to drink more in an attempt to be more normal… to fit in.  But seeing that the only one that you need to fit in with has been next to you for 10+ years.  And ultimately the only one you really need to fit in with is yourself.

The Man in the Glass.  Respect the man in the glass.

Having the courage to recognize that you’ve known the right things to do all along, and have not been doing them.  And instead of saying ‘Fuck It’ and throwing it all away.  Like the Patriots in Super Bowl 17, down by 25 you decide to take ½ time and reassess.  Make the corrections that need to be made and come back with even more fire and eagerness to win that you had at the start of the game.

When is ½ time??  THAT is the quandary with life.

In sports the season is defined, the post season is defined, the championship is defined.  The goal is defined.  WIN.

But the real answer lies within the ‘WIN’

But first the goal must be clearly defined before you can do ‘WIN’

Without a clear goal and clear direction, the clear goal and clear direction becomes set for you.  Life has a way of putting you in exactly where you want to be at exactly the right time.  But if the Google Maps destination if life is not set, you’re wandering, stopping for the easy Wawa’s and Targets(Pun Intended), and Gamestop’s of life. 

We work towards the easy goals and objectives that are preset for ourselves.  Save energy, eat food, avoid danger.

We get lethargic.  We get fat.  We lose ourselves.  We lose our purpose.  You could say we lose our direction… but it is not really our direction.  It is the preset direction that in this day in age leads to ruin. 

Leads to fake friends, fake houses, fake cars, fake everything.

It leads to simultaneously being connected to the entire world, yet unconnected to anything.

To talking with our kids while constantly scrolling Facebook, and Instagram to ‘Stay Connected’ while the kid or person next to you feels totally unconnected because you have not looked them in the eye in days, weeks months.

But you’re totally ‘Connected’.

If our end goals are not predetermined, your end goals will revert to what is programmed.  And the programming sucks.

Many would say that God has a plan for all of us.  And I would agree.

But I’d also agree that the big plans take a ton of work. A ton of work not in just to fulfill the plan, but to discover what the plan is.

What is your plan?  What is your destiny?

Perhaps that’s a heavy question to answer, and perhaps you’ll not find out.  But.  And this is a big But.

You probably know what it is not.

It’s not meaningless connections, meaningless goals, meaningless activities to go along with the masses.  And it’s not easy.

It’s not waking up and doing whatever you feel like for the day.  It’s not doing ‘Thing’s that have to get done’ when you’re really avoiding, suppressing, running from the ‘Thing you really should be doing’. 

The things you would do if you only had 3 months to live.  The things you would do if you won a sum of money that would not give you total wealth where you don’t have to work… but enough where you say, ‘I need a job to make a few dollars… I’d really love to do X every day. ‘

‘I’d love to work on bikes.’

‘I’d love to devote a ton of time to changing the lives of others somehow.’ 

‘I’d love to, in some way, make a difference.’

‘I’d really love if someone didn’t have to go through this thing I went through growing up’

‘I’d really like to save someone from the pain of X……’

Once you find that goal, that path, that destiny.  The work is just beginning.

But the only way to get there is through a Process. 

The great teams and organizations and great anything was not made with just huge ambitions.  They were made with a process.  And the dedication to the process was just as important as the big goal itself.

Perhaps it was just the fight against the misguided, profit driven principals of the competition.  The competition that was no longer trying to be great.  The competition that was trying to win the money game but not the inspire and change the world game.

But Competition leads to innovation.  Yes, in the right setting.  But it also stifles creativity, because competition leads to competing to win based on the rules that are set.

Creativity comes from breaking rules.  ‘You are remembered for the rules you have broken’…

Laird Hamilton, great big wave surfer, never really competed.  He talked with Rich Roll about how innovative surfing was.  Tons of creativity and cool inventions and designs coming out… until competition started.  There became less of a reward for making really cool crazy things, and the profit motive took over to drive competitors to win based on the rules someone else set.

The creativity was stifled because of the rules set to win a game that you never really wanted to play.

So Laird never really competed.  He competed with himself and had fun.  He went on to invent stand up paddleboarding, tow in surfing and lots of other things.  But these were not invented to make money.  These were invented out of necessity to have fun.

They were invented out of process.  Not a meticulous process, but a principal of being true to oneself.  True to one’s passion.  True to one’s ideas.  True to one’s desire.

Everything comes back to a process.

Thus, ‘There is no then’

Getting to the root of your goals, which may take a ton of work in and of itself and taking time to reevaluate those goals is step number one.

But along the way there’s a process.  The actions that make you more effective during the day.  The actions that let you go to sleep at night without angst.  The feeling that ‘tomorrow we do it all again, and that’s OK.’

This year that’s what’s different.  This year there is no ‘Then’. 

There is only a process.

And now.. Heading out for a run.  Activity, a big part of the process.

What are the Key activities that lead you to a better day?  Spend some time developing those out.. and focus on doing ‘WIN’… ‘What’s Important Now’ for a few days and see how it goes. 

But do not forget to focus on what’s really important.   Which is a journey in of itself.

The other day a friend asked for some book recommendations for 2021… 3 to be exact.  It was timely as I was just reviewing everything read over the last few years, well over a hundred books, with the intention of going back to the best and rereading them. 

Well as a new years present, to make 2021 your best year ever here’s 1 book a month.  Side note that all of these were listened to on Audible and have readers that were solid and not irritating.  Suggest getting both the Audio and Audible version if you’re more of an audible learner.  Making notes and adding tabs in the texts can come in very useful!  

Here’s to an epic 2021.

Awaken The Giant Within – Anthony Robbins

              Bring a notebook and get ready to set some goals.. this is a great framework to lay the foundation for the year.

Turning Pro – Steven Pressfield

              Short but extremely powerful read about getting serious about the thing you’re avoiding getting serious about.  This is one you can read a page or two a day through out the year.  Powerful, thought provoking, and always helping to frame whatever it is you’re doing.

Never Split the Difference – Chris Voss

              Amazing book on negotiation – Chris Voss was an FBI Hostage Negotiator for 30 years.  Trust me, it helps everything you do in life go smoother.

Raising Men – Eric Davis

              “Lessons Navy Seals learned from their training and taught to their sons.”  This is an all around epic parenting book, and in no way just for sons.  It will surely help you change yourself to get the responses you want out of your children.  Kids don’t listen, but they do imitate.   (*See Footnote on The Red Circle at the bottom)

The Code of the Extraordinary Mind – Vishen Lakhiani

              Exceptional story and resource to reframe how you look at the world, and the standard choices and paths that we take.  It’s never to late to make a course correction.  Richard Branson told Vishen to write this book, and that was the catalyst… it still took him 2+ years to put it all together.  Life is a long game…but don’t wait to long to get started on your path.

The Score Takes Care of Itself – Bill Walsh

              One of the best books, and best book of lists ever.  How creating culture and attitude is more important than creating a culture of winning.  If the foundation is solid The Score Will Take Care of Itself.

I always have a copy of this close with all if his lists tabbed to scroll through.  No matter what is going on you’ll find sage points to help you navigate anything.

The Subtle Art of not Giving a F*ck – Mark Manson

              Epic, just Epic… For a jumpstart grab the Tim Ferris podcast with Mark Manson.. The book will be ordered by the time you’re ½ way through… and it will not disappoint.

Extreme Ownership – Jocko Willink & Leif Babin

              How US Navy Seals Lead and Win.  This is not a leadership book.. Well it is.  We’re all leaders, sometimes we’re just leading ourselves.  Take ultimate responsibility for everything, and everything becomes under your control.   

The Four Agreements – Don Miguel Ruiz

              Short but powerful story, again a story of an individual who did not find their path until later in life.

1. Be Impeccable with your word
2. Don’t take anything personally
3. Don’t make assumptions
4. Always do your best

Finish First – Scott Hamilton

              Yes Scott Hamilton, the Olympic figure skater.  The number of setbacks in this man’s life that he chose to overcome is astounding.  Truly well written, full of lessons on discipline, perseverance and focus.

Braving The Wilderness – Brene’ Brown

              ‘The Quest for True Belonging and the Courage to Stand Alone’ Perhaps the only way to truly belong is to not to belong.  And that’s ok.  Exceptional, and highly recommended read.

Born To Win – Zig Ziglar

              Zig Ziglar wrote over 30 books in his lifetime… This distills everything he’s learned into one.  Again a story of an unexceptional individual who searched for, found his calling, and then worked incredibly hard to bring it to fruition. But most of it was not hard work. It was a passion project.

*The Red Circle – Tyler Webb

              ‘My Life in the Navy and How I Trained Americas Deadliest Marksmen’

              Tyler Webb and Eric Davis were swim buddies (Partners) through Seal Training and many of the stories cross over.  Fascinating story in general, but particularly how they changed the verbiage in seal training and achieved massive results.  Think instead of saying ‘Don’t Miss’ to ‘Shoot Straight’ and ‘Stay on Target’.  Framing directions into the positive, and actionable tasks, instead of negative, makes a huge difference in execution.